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The 12 Rules for Becoming Your Own Man: How to Live Fully, Love Deeply, and Make a Difference in the World

After 50 years on the fringe, the men’s movement has hit the mainstream. When I began doing men’s work in 1969 there were few others in the field. My first book, Inside Out: Becoming My Own Man, was published in 1983. My most recent book, Essentially Male: 12 Rules for Becoming Your Own Man will be out later this year. If you’d like a pre-publication copy of the first chapter, email me at Jed@menalive.com and put “First chapter” in the subject line. I’d enjoy getting your feedback.

The First National Conference on Men and Masculinity took place at the University of Tennessee in 1975 and the men’s movement has grown slowly, but steadily, since then. Recently men’s issues have come out of the shadows into the light and men are addressing issues as never before.

A December 2018 article in the New York Times highlighted two programs I’ve been working with, Evryman and the ManKind Project. A major article featuring Evryman recently appeared in Men’s Health Magazine. My colleague, Dan Doty, founder of Evryman, appeared twice on the Today Show. The #MeToo movement has challenged the old patriarchal system and Gillette has recently aired controversial ads in support of a changing role for men. Mark Greene, Senior Editor at The Good Men Project, where I’ve been associated since they began ten years ago, has written The Little #MeToo Book for Men.

In January, 2019, an opinion piece in The Washington Post, by former New York Times reporter, Andrew L. Yarrow, offers reasons “Why Progressives Should Stop Avoiding Men’s Issues” and conservative psychologist Jordan Peterson’s videos on sex and gender have been seen by over a hundred million, mostly male, viewers.  

Conflict in the world separates men from women, left from right, this group from that. Millions of men are waking up to the reality that they need to change their lives, but they are confused and need guidance. Women also hunger to understand what is going on with men today and what men really need to feel great again. Essentially Male: 12 Rules for Becoming Your Own Man will support men on their journey. In twelve chapters I offer the following rules for living well in today’s changing world:

  • Rule #1: Accept the Gift of Maleness
  • Rule #2: Embrace Your One Billion Year History as a Male
  • Rule #3: Join a Men’s Group and Learn to Hear the Sound That Male Cells Sing
  • Rule #4: Break Free From The Man Box and Get Healthy in Body, Mind, and Soul
  • Rule #5: Understand Your Anger and Fear of Women and Learn to Respect and Cherish the Sacred Feminine
  • Rule #6: Learn The Secrets of Real Lasting Love
  • Rule #7: Undergo Meaningful Rites of Passage From Youth to Adulthood and From Adulthood to Elderhood
  • Rule #8: Celebrate Your True Warrior Spirit and Learn Why Males Duel and Females Duet
  • Rule #9: Understand and Heal Your ACEs (Adverse Childhood Experiences) and MADs (Male Attachment Disorders)
  • Rule #10: Heal Your Father Wounds and Become the Father You Were Meant to Be
  • Rule #11: Treat the Irritable Male Syndrome and Male-Type Depression
  • Rule #12: Find Your Mission in Life and Do Your Part to Save Humanity

2019 marks the culmination of a 50-year career and commitment I made to my first-born son, Jemal, when he came into the world on November 21, 1969. I promised I would be a different kind of father than my father was able to be for me and I would do everything I could to bring about a world where fathers were involved with their children throughout their lives. Essentially Male is an expression of that commitment.

If you’d like a pre-publication copy of the first chapter, email me at Jed@menalive.com and put “First chapter” in the subject line.

The post The 12 Rules for Becoming Your Own Man: How to Live Fully, Love Deeply, and Make a Difference in the World appeared first on MenAlive.